I’m probably going to end up regretting having posted this, but it would be nice if leftists on the internet actually gave useful dating advice for young single men1. You know, the sort of advice that young single man on the make could use with a reasonable level of confidence that they would be able to get in bed with an enthusiastic partner.
Something a little more substantive than…
- Be rich
- Be attractive
- Don’t be unattractive
…would be nice. But that isn’t what young men get these days.
What sort of “dating advice” do I usually see from well-meaning leftists and progressives online? An endless series of don’ts that amount to “how to not be a rapist”. This isn’t a bad thing. I don’t want to be a rapist. However, I think I already have a good handle on how to not be a rapist.
What I could actually use is advice on how to get my psychological needs for sexual release and affectionate touch met on a regular basis without violating another person’s rights. You’re not going to get that advice from the left. (Nor do you see them putting much effort into the decriminalization and destigmatization of sex work, either.)
You’re not going to get any of this from right-wingers either. For the most part, right wingers don’t care about consent, let alone enthusiastic consent. All they care about is getting their rocks off. The problem is that guys who take dating advice from right-wingers find that the advice gets them what they want as long as they’re willing to ignore their consciences and objectify other people.
They know it’s wrong, but let’s be honest (if a bit crude): a stiff dick has no morals.
This is a problem. If young single men are getting effective dating advice from right-wingers, it makes other aspects of right-wing doctrine much more attractive.
If being a good person leaves you lonely and untouched, but being a fascist asshole gets you laid or even gets you a romantic relationship and membership in a supportive community, why bother even trying to be one of the good guys?
Remember that fascist dating advice doesn’t have to work for everybody all the time. It just needs to work better for an individual than he’s gotten from leftists and progressives. Survivorship bias will take care of the rest.
It won’t take much, either, because right now, all the left has is a big stick: behave yourself or we’ll eventually find out and ruin your life. But where’s the carrot? What do American leftists have to offer lonely, hormonal young men besides book clubs and struggle sessions? ’Cause I doubt anybody’s finding love (let alone lust) at either of those.
This is a symptom of a bigger problem. Leftists are too busy trying (and generally failing miserably) to tear down the kyriarchy to offer a worthwhile vision of a better world that’s better for everybody.
To paraphrase a paraphrase of a quote by Emma Goldman: if I can’t get laid, it’s not my revolution.
Update for 18 July 2020
This post got a reply a couple of weeks ago.
I suppose I should have made it clear that this post came from the perspective of a man from the US who was young in the 1990s. I liked this part, though.
I have no idea, beyond basic friendly behavior. And having been a young man, I know that isn’t very effective.
This has been my experience as well. “Basic friendly behavior” is considered the bare minimum in the US, what lawyerly types might call “necessary but not sufficient”.
I haven’t been single in years, and I don’t expect to be, but the best way to make the gods laugh is to tell them your plans.↩︎