It sounds like a title out of The Onion: “Florida Man Bans Abortion”, and yet it fits the facts as I understand them. Florida governor Ron DeSantis has signed into law a bill that bans abortion after six weeks.
No, that is not a typo.
Six weeks.
Let it sink in.
Six fucking weeks.
How many women even suspect they’re pregnant at six weeks? That’s time enough to miss one period, maybe two, and it’s entirely possible to miss a period or two without being pregnant.
According to NPR the ban can’t go into effect yet:
The
six-week ban will take effect only if the state’s current 15-week ban is
upheld in an ongoing legal challenge that is before the state Supreme
Court, which is controlled by conservatives.
That’s cold comfort and
I’m not going to let it stop me from indulging in a Friday afternoon
rant.
Well, buckle up, Buttercup!
What Florida Republicans have done is tantamount to an outright ban on abortion within the state of Florida. I saw this shit coming back when Roe v. Wade got overturned and women’s bodily autonomy ceased to be a right protected by Federal case law and once again became subject to majority votes in state legislatures. Shit like this is just one of a panoply of reasons that I would not vote for a Republican even under duress.
I’m serious. You put a gun to my head and tell me to vote Red or die, I’m gonna say “better dead than Red”.
In the meantime, whenever I hear “Ron DeSantis” I’m going to think “Florida Man” from now on. That’s how ignorant and irrational you have to be to think that banning abortion after six weeks is going to fly. There is already a backlash against Republicans, and some of the Godless Reds are even on record as saying they’re “getting killed” over it.
This ain’t no shit. Here’s a tweet by fascist Jon Schweppe1:
Republicans need to figure out the abortion issue ASAP. We are getting killed by indie voters who think we support full bans with no exceptions.
Time for everyone to suck it up and unify behind @LindseyGrahamSC’s 15-wk bill w/ exceptions. That’s the play.
The alternative is suiciding the pro-life movement. We are months away from that happening.
Jon Schweppe (@JonSchweppe), 2:04 AM · Apr 5, 2023
Sorry, Jon, but you aren’t months away. It’s already happened. Did you really think that Dobbs v. Jackson Women’s Health Organization would go unpunished? Did you really think the only voices screaming for vengeance were alto and soprano? No, motherfucker, this rendition of “Screaming For Vengeance” is a full-on four part soprano/alto/tenor/bass chorus.
I’m not settling for fifteen weeks, even though as a man this issue doesn’t directly concern me2. No woman should settle for fifteen weeks. Abortion on demand up to the end of the sixth month, and after that if the mother’s life is at risk in the opinion of her physician. That is the play. You godless Reds can take your fifteen weeks and shove them up your self-righteous, authoritarian, misogynist asses.
Incidentally, we’re not going to kill Republicans for this. Not literally; you pusbags are nothing but a fucking waste of ammo. But you’re gonna find out the hard way that only God forgives.
Those indie voters you fear? We’re not Jesus, and we do not forgive. Maybe we should, but in this case we’ll just hope that Jesus can forgive us for not being willing to forgive you.
Besides, in your case there’s no guarantee that God will forgive you. You fuckers claim to be doing God’s will? Does Jesus know you, and does he know you’re right? Yeah, let’s see what that Bible you keep thumping says about that.
Not every one that saith to me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven: but he that doth the will of my Father who is in heaven, he shall enter into the kingdom of heaven. Many will say to me in that day: Lord, Lord, have not we prophesied in thy name, and cast out devils in thy name, and done many miracles in thy name? And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, you that work iniquity.
Matthew 7:21-23 (Douay-Rheims translation)
And even if I’m wrong and you assholes are doing the Lord’s work, guess what: Christ ain’t king of shit in the United States of America. We don’t have lords and kings here. There was a fucking war over that back in 1776, among other things. The First Amendment plainly states that Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion, and as far as I’m concerned legislating evangelicals’ excessively literal and legalistic interpretations of Judeo-Christian morality sure as shit counts as establishing religion. The Fourteenth Amendment applies that to state and local governments as well, you ignorant shitfountains.
Republicans are finding out the hard way that is no such thing as “the tolerant left” when it comes to right-wingers trampling human rights. They’re going to learn that with every lost election until they get with the fucking program or die of natural causes3 and thus get the fuck out of the way.
If demography is indeed destiny, then conservatives have no future. This is why they’re determined to steal ours by turning the world into their funeral pyre. That doesn’t mean we’re obligated to just sit there and take it.
How long will it take for somebody to publicly mispronounce this asshole’s name as “Schleps”?↩︎
Nevertheless, I am making this my concern because my mother should have had more and better options when she found herself saddled with an unplanned and unwanted pregnancy.↩︎
The arc of history might bend toward justice one funeral at a time but that’s no excuse to try to hurry the process along. Death is a lady, and it’s rude to rush her. She’ll get to these scumbags in her own time.↩︎