Sophie at localghost seems to really like webdev conferences, and thinks other people should attend. She's got plenty of good reasons, too, and they all make sense.
Nevertheless, I wouldn't attend a tech conference unless my day job was paying for it and made it clear that not attending would cost me my job. And even then, I might update my resume and start looking for a new job while calling the current job's bluff.
There are a few reasons for this. Whether you think they're good reasons is none of my business.
- I am not sociable, and don't enjoy being around people. I can pretend to be sociable and friendly, but this leaves me exhausted and miserable afterward.
- Conference attendance costs time and money above and beyond the conference itself. I've got to get there and back. I've got to pay for accommodations. I've got to eat. My wife will most likely want to come along, though not necessarily to attend the conference but to instead do touristy stuff.
- I don't learn by listening to people talk. I prefer to learn by reading and experimenting on my own.
- Since my day job doesn't and probably won't pay for me to attend conferences, that means I must do so on my own time and at my own expense. If I'm going to take paid time off, I don't to spend time talking shop with other techies.
This isn't to say I haven't attended conventions. I've attended the 2014, 2015, and 2018 World Fantasy Conventions. However, those were still stressful experiences and I'm not sure I'd want to attend another sf/fantasy convention unless I return to commercial publishing.
As I mentioned before, Sophie has her reasons. She not only attends conferences, but speaks at them. Nobody is likely to invite me to speak at a conference. And if one were foolish enough to do so I would almost certainly decline; I don't need that kind of hassle in my life.
I think that Sophie fundamentally feels welcome at such gatherings in a way that I never have. I've always been loneliest around other people. I've never felt welcome or wanted anywhere. Even when working in an office I don't feel safe or welcome, which is why I've preferred remote work whenever working from home is an option. Despite the efforts of others, I always feel like an uninvited and barely tolerated guest at most, and therapy has not helped.
Besides, I can read faster than you all can talk. While I might be a better reader and writer than many, most people don't speak as well as they think they do, and their listening skills are little better. I simply don't want to be around people who talk too much and say too little. It's bad enough I have to put up with such people at my day job. Why should I do it when I'm not getting paid, let alone pay for the privilege?
Maybe if I hadn't been diagnosed as autistic, this would be more appealing. Likewise, I might be less reluctant if COVID-19 hadn't happened and I hadn't spent the last five years working from home and hardly ever seeing coworkers — not that I particularly miss them or spending all day in an open-plan office under harsh florescent lights. But I've felt like a burnt-out case for years, and I don't know when I'll get to stop and recover. My wife's depending on me, you see, so I don't get to fall apart. Attending a conference is something I need about as much as I need a bullet in the head.
Dear creeping gods, I'm in a particularly crap mood today. I think I need to eat something and hug my wife. Or Smudge and Purrseus, if they're handy. Kitty cuddles tend to make things better.