Touch Grass?

In my experience, the best response to touch grass is pound sand. Repeat offenders should be encouraged to go play in traffic.

The people most prone to suggesting that you touch grass are generally those who should take their own advice. They are mere busybodies who can be safely and summarily dismissed.

While this seems an unkind response to what should be a kindly reminder that it isn’t good to be cooped up inside all the time staring at a screen, my experience that those most likely to use this specific phrase spend most of their time on websites like 4chan and their advice is almost never given in good faith or with good intent. Thus my default response to such people, which I think even if I don’t say or post: pound sand.

Besides, I’d rather smell the roses, which I get to do whenever I help my wife with the garden. Not that I can actually smell much, of course, but they are pleasant to look at and I like to watch the bumblebees make their rounds.